Welcome Home, Kurt
by MadHatterLilith
Summary: The memories of his human life slowly resurface, and Colt tries to find the place he once called home.


_"Yeah, we remember. But some of us remember more about our human lives than others."_

Colt was one of those who remembered too much too much, albeit unconsciously. The first of the human-ant hybrids, he was too human for his own good. He didn't understand that until much later in his second life.

 _Reina._

Why was that name so important, he often wondered. It slipped the first time when they feared the queen was in danger. "I'll protect Reina!" He'd declared with unwavering determination. But when Peggy asked him about his slip, he was confused. Had he really said that? But Peggy was the farthest thing from a liar he could think of...But why? Why did the name pass his lips? Why did it feel familiar?

And when he took in the child who grew up to be Kite reborn, it was the name he chose for her. It wasn't a whim or a unconscious slip, but something that he felt in his very heart. This is my third chance, a chance I don't deserve, to protect her, someone precious...That's what he thought as he vowed to protect her regardless of the cost or hardships.

 _My little sister, Reina._

The name's meaning came to him much later, in a series of hazy dreams, each clearer than the last. He was a child, living in a tiny, warm village where everyone was family and did what they could to scrape by off the land's sometimes bountiful and sometimes scarce blessings. His home was a cozy little place made for a small family of three. They sometimes struggled to get food and one meal was always set aside for someone who never ate, who never showed up. But he had the odd feeling that it wasn't wasted; the giving of that meal was important.

There were two others who lived with him, a woman and a tiny girl with eyes as bright as her yellow ribbon. The woman was clearly her mother, the resemblance clear in their eyes and hair, as well as the warmth of their big smiles. When they smiled, he did too despite the hardships they no doubt faced. This was family, he realized. They gave everything for each other, and didn't expect payment or anything of the sort in return. They loved each other without limit or conditions, doing all they could for eachother. This, he realized, was what he hoped for and possibly even expected from his fellow ants on some level. Not from all of them of course, but at least the queen...

But then there were other dreams, dreams that had him shiver in fear even after he woke. They were blurred visions, memories of something scary, painful... memories of death, of being ripped apart and eaten after watching the same happen to his baby sister who he'd sworn to protect. He was hurting and scared, and he couldn't protect her. He swore to, but he couldn't. He failed her! He failed her as her big brother!

He consulted Kite on the matter. It was a bit odd to speak advice from the person he originally planned to raise, but Kite knew human matters better. He had a feeling it was something of that sort.

He (Kite might've come back as a girl, but he retained his male identity) listened to Colt without interruption or judgement. The koala ant who'd been staying with them listen as well and was the first to speak up in reply.

"Aren't those your human memories?" He'd suggested as though it were obvious. And indeed it was, but Colt...he'd hoped otherwise.

"I saw that woman before, once in a village we'd attacked while collecting food for the queen. She shielded a child. I could've easily grabbed her, but I..." But I couldn't, he thought. I couldn't understand why not then. But there was something too familiar and so strong about her that I...I didn't want to see her die. "Even if those are my human memories, I'm not human anymore." The words felt hollow as he said them.

Hollow but true; he really wasn't human anymore. He died and came back as something humans would call a monster. But that wasn't the real reason he was scared. Not the whole one anyway...Mostly, he was terrified that his mother would hate him for being a monster, a creature responsible for hundreds of deaths. He was terrified she wouldn't recognize him. He was scared she would blame him for Reina's death. And how could he blame her for any of those reactions? She'd be right to hate him, to blame him, to see him as a monster...

"Let's go." Kite finally decided. "We're taking you home." When Colt opened his mouth to argue, he was quickly cut off. "You've taken care of me until now; I owe you this much. Whether your mother sees you as her son or as a monster...you won't know until you try to talk to her again, will you?" Kite smiled at him reassuringly, like he truly believed this could end well.

"Crazier things have happened!" Spinner remarked when they told him where they were headed. "A dead man came back to life as a little girl!" Everyone laughed and wished them well before they headed out to NGL. Colt smiled.

So this was another kind of family.

He recognized this land, how the grass by the river felt under his feet. This was where it happened, when he and Reina were taken away by that chimera ant. He remembered trying to chase it away with just a stick, shouting at it to go away while telling Reina to run. He knew it wasn't like a snake he could scare off. It was, to him in that moment, a monster. A monster that was going to kill them both. Involuntary tears rolled down Colt's cheeks as he remembered his last moments and wiped them away, somewhat embarrassed.

"Are we close to your home?" Kite asked, not making any comments about his tears; he knew better than to do anything so insensitive. Colt nodded.

"We used to come to this river to play. I'd catch fish for dinner, and it always made Mom happy when I came home with one for all of us." He pointed through the woods. "The village was that way; Reina and I made a map once so we'd never get lost." He smiled, as if seeing his human self leading his sister through the woods confidently once again. "We even marked dome of the trees."

"Then let's go." Kite didn't like to stay still for too long; he wasn't as confident in his fighting in his new body, lighter and with shorter arms and legs and even a tail. He said even using Nen felt a bit different, like he was learning again from the start. Colt supposed he understood what he meant; flying and such came as an odd adjustment when he was reborn as an ant. An easier one for sure but an adjustment all the same.

As they drew closer, Colt felt more and more uneasy. He wanted to turn back, to run away from this place. How could his mother ever see him as more than a monster? It was a foolish idea to have even come out here! His hands began to shake, his heart racing. No, he had to go back. He had to leave and let his mother live in peace. There was no way, absolutely no way, that she could ever forgive him for all he did. All the lives he took out of loyalty to the queen, all the children he left orphaned, all the people other soldiers killed, and most of all...he let Reina get killed when he promised to protect her always.

"Colt." Kite touched his arm. "Let's go." His voice was somewhat gentle but comforting people wasn't Kite's forte so he didn't try to say anything inspiring or particularly helpful; he just pushed his sort-of foster father forward.

It was a long way until the village and Colt's anxiety grew with each step they took. When the houses and fields were in sight, he started to feel lightheaded; he hadn't even realised he was holding his breath all this time.

"Excuse me! We're looking for someone. A woman who lives in this village." Kite flagged down a passing farmer. Though Colt tried to shrink into the background, make himself as invisible as he could, the man spotted him all the same. Before the man could shout, Kite covered his mouth. "He's not going to hurt you; he used to live here when he was human." The man's eyes widened with some sort of recognition.

"Colt, do you remember your old name?" Kite asked. "It might help." The ant nodded slowly. It was odd to say it after living as Colt for all this time; it felt like someone else's name instead.

"Kurt." He replied, the name oddly heavy on his tongue. Kite released the farmer. "I'm...I'm looking for my mother...Is she..."

"She's here...She kept praying for you two to come home. I...I'll take you to her." The farmer hesitantly replied, probably remembering the attack on the village. "You...you're not the first of your kind to come here. But you must forgive everyone if they take a while to accept you again."

"There are other ants here?!" Colt asked in genuine suprise. He thought most of his kind would've scattered after the Queen's death and the fall of the King...Perhaps the others were both from here as well?

"Yes, a big blue fellow and...Well, you'll see." The farmer smiled slightly, relaxing a bit more now that Colt had shown no signs of hostility. "Is your lady friend coming?" Colt glanced over his shoulder to Kite who was walking along the forest's edge instead of following them, waiting, giving him some space and time, regardless of the reunion's results.

"No, he...He's staying there, I think. Don't worry, he's harmless." The farmer nodded, continuing to lead the way to Colt's former home.

"A boy, huh? My bad." He nodded towards a familiar little house, the one Colt always saw in his dreams. "Haruna! There's someone to see you!"

His heart was pounding; he could hear it echo in his head. He just wanted to fly and get out of there as quickly as possible before it happened, before his mother came out and called him a monster. There was no way should wouldn't when he was like this! And then she'd tell him it was his fault that Reina died, and he'd just stand there because he couldn't say anything back, and—

"Hello?" A soft, small voice replied. Instead of his mother, someone else peeked out from behind the screen. It was a small chimera ant he'd seen in passing one or two times, just often enough to vaguely remember her. "Big brother?"

But he'd never looked her in the eyes, never seen her eyes well up with tears, never taken the time to even wonder if it was possible. "Reina...?" He whispered as she hugged him. She nodded, crying.

"Reina, who is i—" When his mother's eyes landed on him, he expected to see hate and blame...but all he saw was confusion, followed by understanding and tears. "I—Is that you, Kurt?!" He hesitantly nodded, waiting for her to shout, to tell him to leave...

But she hugged him instead, just like his sister had. And they cried. He cried, even more than when the Queen died, even more than when he father didn't come home. He cried and hugged his family back, his anxieties melting away. He cried like the child he'd been not so long ago. "I'm home, Mom..."

From a distance, pretending to be sleeping as he rested against a tree, Kite watched with a smile.

Kurt was home at last.

 **I wish I was a better writer and editor to properly do this idea justice but I tried. Colt is a great guy, he deserves more love.**


End file.
